the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
