I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
