i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
