Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
