I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
