Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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