I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
