Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
