whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
