Your face is a jimmy john
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
