haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
