I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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