I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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