My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
