I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
