Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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