11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
