So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
