I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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