I hate your face
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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