Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i dont even know how to be here
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
