It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
