the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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