Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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