You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are two peas in an std pod
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
