Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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