Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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