He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
