You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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