After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
