I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
