Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
