allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your penis caused this!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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