She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
