I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
