I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
