so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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