gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
