We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
