we're blogging at a bar
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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