Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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