Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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