pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can Purell be used as lube?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
