a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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