In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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