do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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