I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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