Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
