i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
