dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
