I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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