Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
