we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This house was built for laser tag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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