All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
