Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
