Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
