Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
