You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
