see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want her autograph on my taint
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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