I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
