some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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