I'm so fucking centered right now
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want to fling myself into the sun
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
