Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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