my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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