i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
